The Different Tenets Of Narcissistic Abuse
Authored by: Diana James, MA., Licensed Psychotherapist, Blogger
In the intricate dance of human relationships, there exists a dark underbelly that often eludes the untrained eye—the realm of narcissistic abuse. This psychological manipulation, characterized by a pattern of emotional exploitation, leaves victims grappling with the remnants of shattered self-esteem and fractured trust.
In this exploration, we embark on a journey to unravel the complexities of narcissistic abuse, shedding light on the subtle tactics employed by those with narcissistic personality traits. By understanding the dynamics at play, we hope to empower individuals to recognize the signs, break free from the insidious cycle, and embark on a path of healing.
As we navigate the depths of this often-misunderstood topic, let us peel back the layers to expose the core elements of narcissistic abuse and provide a compassionate guide for those on the journey to reclaiming their autonomy and well-being.
This article does not aim to sway you to leave your current relationship, but to inform on the tell-tale signs of what encompasses the connections of a relationship with abuse. Many of my clients struggle to put words to what is happening and sometimes don’t want to hear it at all but any relationship with abuse present, physical, mental, emotional, and psychological is considered to be domestically violent. Many times people think that domestic violence is just physical, such as, pushing, shoving, hittings, slapping, and punching. However, this is not the case. There is quite a variety of ways that harm a human being. While, some wounds are surfaced for everyone to see, others are hidden beneath. Which is confusing because the conservative westernized culture has adopted the phrase “what you can’t see, doesn’t hurt” but that is far from the truth, and science proves it. Dr. J Douglas Bremnar reported in a research study called “Traumatic stress: effects on the brain” that traumatic stress has long lasting affects on the brain and has been associated with increased cortisol and norepinephrine (a neurotransmitter) in the brain. People who are diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) have shown smaller hippocampus regions and increased activity in the amygdala (Douglas Bremnar, 2006). Citing indications of chemical and structural chains of the brain due to the impacts of abuse. So for those that feel like you are crazy all the time, you actually aren’t. There is concrete proof that your brain is working its way through an injury and trying to heal itself. Which can bring about many frustrations, especially when you want to just live your normal life again. Healing from abuse and symptoms of PTSD can take anywhere from 6 months to years. There is no clear timeline. However, what we do know is that the affects do get better over time and seeking the right support, such as a therapist that you vibe with really well. We know a lot of about the brain and how it changes from traumatic stress but now let’s take a look at what themes of what it’s like to be in a narcissistic relationship.
Typically, when in the thick of it, it’s not easy to identify exactly what constitutes as abuse because living with it is different then just reading about it. However, it is our best hopes to provide some common examples of themes that one might experience to provide clarity and put words to describe it what to look out and how to understand it. The following listed below are not an exhaustive list but a good representation of what could be happening in this form of relationship.
Gaslighting: Exploring the manipulative tactic of gaslighting, where the abuser seeks to make the victim doubt their perception of reality, memory, or sanity.
Love Bombing: Examining the initial phase of a narcissistic relationship where the abuser showers the victim with excessive affection, compliments, and attention to establish a strong emotional connection.
Triangulation: Discussing the manipulation tactic of involving a third party (real or imaginary) to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity within the victim.
Cognitive Dissonance: Understanding the psychological discomfort that arises when the victim holds conflicting beliefs about the abusive relationship, such as the disparity between the initial love-bombing phase and subsequent abusive behaviors.Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Codependency: Exploring the dynamic between narcissistic abusers and codependent individuals, where the victim may have a pattern of prioritizing the needs of others over their own.
Source: Bremner JD. Traumatic stress: effects on the brain. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2006;8(4):445-61.
